You know, I really struggled with the loneliness during my first month or two here. I’ve never felt that lost and insignificant before. I remember crying out in bathroom, just wishing for a friend, for someone to turn to on a bad day. I would’ve given anything to have an extra number in my phone to call when I needed reassurance and just to hear a voice of someone who cares about me.
Well, my prayers got answered. In a big way. I found friends. And even though they live in Seoul, about an hour away, and I can’t see them often, they’re only a phone call away. I added those numbers to my phone.
It was this past weekend when I realised that I was so fortunate to find them, to befriend them. I met some other (a different group) foreigners and joined them for lunch. They were nice, one girl in particular was so lovely and kind, but I just couldn’t connect with them, even though we shared common interests. It was just different to how it is with the others. I guess their personalities, while nice, were just didn’t blend with mine very well. I felt awkward and strange, like an alien. I couldn’t say anything, I couldn’t feel anything. I just sat….eating my kimchi. Watching on, as I would watch a movie.
I guess this thing, finding comfort with particular people, is something pretty obvious for most people, but I was never a socialite growing up. Being in situations where I had to talk to peers was quite frightening for me actually. And even now, I struggle. I’m the quiet one. I’m not used to talking to people casually. So I’m inexperienced in socialising.
Gah, I don’t know how to explain this.
It’s just………I realised how lucky I was, that I found good people, actually, great people. Like… They are just perfect for me….? And really, what are the odds, in this great big city, that I happened to run into those people, that we agreed to swap numbers, that we actually met up later. That they turned out to be so wonderful and awesome. These wonderful people I now call my friends.
So in conclusion, no longer am I lonely, no longer am I forced to hold in my voice and feelings. Now I have a few people I can call, people I can talk to, and to give me a hug when I’m feeling down. And not only do I now have these people, but I’m convinced that they’re actually the best people ever.
I couldn’t asked for anything more. To whoever was listening to my prayers that sad night in my bathroom, thank you. Thank you.